Sexual Attraction

We should be proud of our successful long-term relationships with our partners, but one aspect of our lives together may be affected as the years go by.

It’s sexual attractiveness—how we feel about ourselves and each other.

You’re certainly not alone if you feel the signs of sexual attraction are fading. However, it doesn’t spell the end of your sex life or relationship.

Whether the cause is low libido or decreased sexual desires, there are solutions to increasing sex drive. Today, however, our discussion is about sexual attraction

There is a big difference between sexual attraction and libido. We’ll examine this in greater detail, focusing on the more uncommon reasons why someone may lose sexual desire in a relationship over time. 

Let’s talk about it!

Defining Types of Attraction

Most people assume that attraction is romantic and sexual and that the feeling either overlaps or is the same.

Guess what?

There are different types of attraction:

  • Sexual
  • Emotional
  • Romantic 
  • Physical or aesthetic.

After you read this, you can understand the differences more. As you increase your self-awareness, your relationships can improve and flourish.

What Is Sexual Attraction

What is sexual attraction

Different reactions, including sexual desire, libido, and sexual attraction, form our sexuality.

Here’s the difference:

  • Sexual Desire is wanting the act of sex for pleasure, a connection, or conception.
  • Libido is your chemical and physical sex drive that leads to the desire for sex—think of it like that itch you need to scratch!
  • Sexual Attraction is a reaction you feel when you find someone physically appealing, leading to a desire for sex.

Differences Between Signs of Sexual Attraction and Romantic Attraction

When you’ve experienced romantic love, you can differentiate between sexual and romantic attraction.

The differences between sexual and romantic desire are easier to identify when you understand both. For example, you can crave romantic closeness, like talking and touching, without wanting sex.

Why We Lose Sexual Attraction

It’s not only common for attraction to diminish in long-term relationships. It’s expected

But just because it happens to many of us does not mean that couples can’t reconnect physically and emotionally, especially when we give ourselves time to relax in a setting that encourages our sexual desire.

The critical takeaway is that sexual attraction changes with your relationship, but it can remain healthy when you put effort into nurturing it.

Something to consider is that sexual attraction won’t continue to evolve positively unless a couple puts effort into nurturing it regularly.

Losing sexual attraction can be distressing, and it happens for many common reasons:

  • Specific physical or mental health changes can alter our feelings of sexual desire significantly.
  • Hormone levels ebb and flow during our lifetimes, and libido can fade naturally as our bodies mature.
  • A healthy relationship is never static—your connection to your partner should be fluid, change, and evolve.
  • Life events will also affect our levels of sexual attraction, including having a family or experiencing job stress.

Sometimes, a lack of communication can lead to a sensation of “sexual boredom,” and the risk of sexual or emotional betrayal can increase.

Let’s name the three most uncommon reasons why sexual attraction diminishes in a long-term intimate relationship.

#1 A Couple Gets Too Comfortable

The foundation of a healthy relationship is security and stability. Still, when a couple becomes too comfortable with each other, it can get predictable and even feel stale.

When life events get in the way, a couple’s focus may get too task-oriented. For example, when you treat your partner like a co-parent or caregiver instead of treating each other like lovers.

The takeaway: when we don’t take the time to nurture the erotic side of our intimate relationships, it can change our view of our partner and diminish the feelings of sexual attraction. 

Familiarity may seem comforting, but not when it takes the emphasis off desire.

A couple gets too comfortable

#2 Losing Sexual Desire in a Relationship

Have you heard of emotional fusion?

The feeling of togetherness is vital between partners, but when you feel too close, that emotional oneness can transform into a sense of “stuck togetherness.” 

Here’s how to distinguish if your connection is “stuck”:

  • Are you constantly seeking your partner’s approval or validation?
  • Do you fear your partner’s rejection?
  • Is it challenging to have a healthy argument with your partner or express your opinion?

A relationship is most mature and positive when partners maintain a unique and separate identity. 

When a couple gets stuck, there is less tolerance and little room for differences. With time, a pattern develops, and the partners get too needy and dependent on one another, which can stifle the relationship.

The takeaway: sexual attraction is strongest when each partner sees the other as an individual. 

Attraction and desire flow more freely in this space between two people, and that’s why sexual attraction is intense at the beginning of a relationship when you come together as two separate people.

Here’s good news! Healthy and enjoyable sex can be regained when partners strengthen their emotional and intellectual identities.

Losing sexual desire in a relationship

#3 Household Work Is Unbalanced

You may have heard that women’s sexual desires can decline with their partners when they have too much work to do at home.

Guess what? Researchers have taken an interest in this subject.

A new study on gender inequities by The International Academy of Sex Research confirms what women in long-term relationships might already know—sexual desire is affected by unbalanced household labour:

  • Over 700 women participated in the study. All of the women had male partners and children.
  • Researchers believe that a decrease in sexual desire happens when women feel the division of household chores isn’t balanced.
  • The women also believed their male partners were too dependent on them.

Results from the published study concluded that women who feel overburdened by household labour feel much less sexual desire for their partners, especially if the partner’s household work is unequal or the women feel their partner is too dependent on them. 

The takeaway: when household chores are unevenly assigned, a partner can feel less romantic or sexual and more like a caregiver. This feeling can significantly impact desire.

Unbalanced household work vs. sexual relations

Get Your Mojo Back With OHN

Yes, sexual attraction can and does fade. 

But if you’ve noticed a drop in your desire or signs of sexual attraction, you don’t have to believe that losing desire in a sexual relationship means your relationship can’t improve.

At OHN, we’ve helped partners revive their feelings of attraction in a relationship!

It requires a commitment to change and the honesty to work on underlying issues. Still, the positive impacts on your relationship and your mental, physical, and sexual health are worth it.

If it feels too complicated or overwhelming, it’s common, and that’s why OHN believes that our psychological specialists are essential in helping partners change long-term negative habits into new and positive ones. 

OHN is a highly trained and educated network of men’s health clinics, and we specialize in all issues relating to your sexual health. We offer multiple services at our confidential clinics, and we welcome you to book a consultation at your convenience. You’ve got questions, and we have the answers to help you get your mojo back!

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Ferguson, S. and Raypole, C. (2021) What does it mean to be asexual?, Healthline. Healthline Media. Available at: (Accessed: January 10, 2023).

Harris, E.A., Gormezano, A.M. & van Anders, S.M. Gender Inequities in Household Labor Predict Lower Sexual Desire in Women Partnered with Men. Arch Sex Behav 51, 3847–3870 (2022).

Kunde, R. (2022) What Are the Types of Attraction?, WebMD. WebMD. Available at: (Accessed: January 12, 2023).

Staloch, L. (2022) When women do more household labor, they see their partner as a dependent (Accessed: January 10, 2023).

Soo, M. (2020) Loss of sexual attraction for partner, Sex Positive Psychology. Sex Positive Psychology. Available at: (Accessed: January 10, 2023).